


Stiff joints and denial

by kieren_Freaking_Walker



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Denial, Frustration, Gen, Kieren Walker is in denial, of course he is, zombie adjustments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:15:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3159182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kieren_Freaking_Walker/pseuds/kieren_Freaking_Walker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kieren Walker is alive again, well, so he's told, responding to a new drug called Neurotriptyline<br/>Adjusting to his new life is difficult, considering he did not want it in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stiff joints and denial

"Kieren?"

Kieren Walker flinched back into reality, and looked back at Doctor Shepherd "Hmmm?"  
Having only been responding to Neurotriptyline for the last few weeks, Kieren hasn't been up to much at all. His brain is only just starting to get used to working again, and everything takes more effort than it used to. He tries to concentrate on his Doctor as best as he can.

"What else do you remember? From the rising? It's an important progressive step to getting you better."

Kieren snorted at that, or well, he tried to. It came out as more of a choking noise. Nothing happened the way he wanted it to these days. Sometimes he was amazed the words he thought came out of his mouth "I remember bits and pieces...nightmares, mainly. I also remember waking up in confusion after being sure that I killed myself." His voice was raspy and cold. He didn't get much used out of it. The only person he talked to in the treatment center was Doctor Shepherd, and that was because he was  _required_ to.

"You're still focused on that..." Doctor Shepherd took a deep breath, and looked down at his notes, pen scratching across paper being the only noise in the room for a long while "Kieren, you were given a second chance."

"I didn't want it." Kieren said bluntly, looking down at his bandaged wrists. The new drug made the self inflicted wounds leak sometimes. Apparently that would go away soon and then they would stitch him up. They would put him back together and pretend nothing happened. "I still don't. They should have listened to me."

"When you said you wanted them to stop treating you? You were barely rational. You told them to kill you."

"I did." Kieren agreed quietly, looking back up at Doctor Shepherd again. The truth was, that with every injection, more memories seemed to come back, and with those memories, more pain.  
Memories of Rick, Memories of his family and his little sister Jem, who had looked up to him for years. Memories of his last few days on earth. Memories of the knife trailing along his first wrist once, twice, over and over until he lost count, lost the ability to think rationally. Memories of beginning the other wrist, of feeling the relief as all the weight that had been crushing down on him for months...finally lifted and he was free.  
But he wasn't free anymore. He was brought back and shackled and forced to face everything all over again, only this time, he wasn't even really himself. He was a killer.  
He didn't want to get better.  
  


"What did you used to do when you were sad, Kieren? There must have been something you did to...clear your head." Doctor Shepherd mumbled, trying to change the subject, apparently.

Kieren sighed and shrugged "I...used to paint. Draw." He supplied, unsure what that had to do with anything. Doctor Shepherds job was to access Kieren's state of mental health, and to see how the Neurotriptyline was taking effect. Asking about his old hobbies was a new thing.

Doctor Shepherd smiled at that, looking hopeful now "We have an art therapy workshop starting up. Would you be interested?"

Kieren frowned a little at that, and thought it through. Even thinking took longer than it used to "Uh...no. I don't like painting around people." He decided after a while  
He always used to paint in his bedroom, away from the noise and the nosy people.

"Then perhaps some art supplies of your own? I'm sure I could pull a few strings that will allow you to paint in your room. You rarely leave it anyway."

Kieren liked the sound of that. He nodded, hopeful.

Sadly that hope did not last long.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I got this idea while at work, it's still got a lot more to go.  
> The frustration and denial starts in the next chapter.  
> Things aren't as easy as they used to be. Joints don't move as easily as they once did. Paint brushes are harder to control.


End file.
